


Confession

by PaintedVanilla



Series: days on end [13]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Borderline Personality Disorder, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealousy, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 03:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12003588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedVanilla/pseuds/PaintedVanilla
Summary: “I’ve never had, like, a crush on Martha or anything. We’ve just always been best friends and she’s never had, like, a serious boyfriend before. And now you’re engaged and it’s hard for me to deal with. It’s stupid, but I don’t get as much attention from her anymore, because she’s focused on you. And she should be, it’s just hard for my hell brain to understand that.”





	Confession

Thomas hangs up the phone and looks at Dolley, who’s been staring out the window since they had to pull over. Her arms are crossed and she looks like she’s anticipating bad news; unfortunately, Thomas has to deliver, “Well,” he says, gaining her attention, “It’s like a four hour wait.”

Dolley sits up, “Four hours?!”

“Well,” Thomas sighs, “Yeah. Four hours. To be fair it is,” he checks the clock, “1:30 in the morning. And I was like, I thought this was a twenty four hour thing, and the lady was like, well it technically is but you’re really far out and we don’t have anybody near you guys, and it would take at least an hour and a half for our closest person to get to you, and he would like demand to be paid a lot for it or something which would make it more expensive for you, but we have a guy that drives that exact route every morning at five, so he can get you then. And I was like, fine whatever.” he groans, “this is bullshit.”

Dolley sinks down further in her seat and doesn’t say anything, so Thomas tries again, “Are you tired? You can sleep if you want, we have time.”

“I’m not really tired.” Dolley says.

Thomas clears his throat, “You should probably text John.”

“He’s probably not awake.” Dolley says.

Thomas taps his fingers on the steering wheel, “If you want to lay down, you can use the lever on the side of the chair.”

“I’m fine.” Dolley snaps, and Thomas sighs.

They lapse into the same heavy silence they’d been sitting in the entire car ride, except this time they don’t have the sound of the radio or the car going down the freeway to help drown it out. Instead it hangs over them, obvious and impossible to ignore. Dolley isn’t looking at Thomas; she has her feet tucked in and her shoes off, and she’s staring out the window, pointedly ignoring him.

“Can I ask,” Thomas says suddenly, “why you don’t want to be friends with me? Or talk to me for longer than five seconds? We’re both important people to Martha and we’re both going down to surprise her for the same reason: because we love her. So why can’t you make an effort to talk to me? I make an effort to talk to you.”

Dolley stays quiet for a while longer, and then she says, “It’s a stupid reason.”

“Tell me anyways.” Thomas says.

Dolley sighs and doesn’t say anything for a while, and then, “It’s dumb, but,” she pauses, “I guess I’m kind of jealous of you.”

“How so?” Thomas asks.

“I mean,” Dolley continues, “I’ve never had, like, a crush on Martha or anything. But she’s been my best friend since the seventh grade. And we’ve always been best friends and she’s never had, like, a  _ serious  _ boyfriend before. And now you’re engaged and I’m just,” she she rubs her eyes, still not looking at him, “It’s hard for me to deal with. It’s stupid, but I don’t get as much attention from her anymore, because she’s focused on you. And she  _ should  _ be, it’s just hard for my hell brain to understand that.”

Thomas doesn’t know how to respond, so he doesn’t say anything; Dolley says, “I told you you’d think it’s stupid.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid.” Thomas says, “I mean, I guess that makes sense, but you’ve had boyfriends before. Do you think Martha felt this way about you?”

Dolley huffs, “No.”

“Why not?”

“Martha doesn’t have BPD.”

“What’s BPD?”

“Borderline personality disorder.” Dolley tells him, “It’s a mental illness. It makes it hard for me to form relationships.”

Thomas is quiet, “Is that why you have a difficult time being my friend?”

Dolley hesitates, “Kind of,” she says, “It’s complicated. It makes me fixate on Martha, and it makes me not like you because of my fixation on Martha. You’re the reason Martha doesn’t pay as much attention to me anymore, ergo my brain wants you to go away.” she pauses, “I don’t actively not like you. I mean, I want to be friends with you, because you and Martha are  _ engaged  _ and everything, but my brain doesn’t want you to be my friend.”

Thomas thinks about that for a minute, then asks, “Does John help?”

Dolley tries not to cringe, “Not really.”

Thomas frowns, “He’s your boyfriend.”

“I know,” Dolley says, “he’s just…”  _ cheating on me. _

“Just..?” Thomas prompts.

“I’ve known Martha longer.” Dolley says, “and John doesn’t really pay attention to me.”

“How can he not pay attention to you? You’re his girlfriend.”

Dolley shrugs, “I mean, we go on dates and stuff. We’re together a lot, but he doesn’t really… care. He doesn’t really listen to me talk, or…”

“Or..?” Thomas is staring at her.

Dolley huffs, “You can’t tell anyone I said this,” she says, and he nods, “I’m serious, you can’t even tell Martha.”

“I won’t.” Thomas says, “Tell me.”

“John is like, not super great in bed.” Dolley admits.

Thomas smiles, “Define ‘not super great.’”

“Like…” Dolley hesitates, “Has never made me orgasm..?”

Thomas laughs, and then covers his mouth, “That’s shitty.” he says, but he’s still smiling, “I mean, it’s a little funny, but it’s shitty. Does he know?”

“No.”

“You should say something!”

“I think it’s too late for that.”

“Call him out,” Thomas says, “make him eat you out for like an hour.”

Dolley rolls her eyes, “He’s never eaten me out.”

“What?!”

“He doesn’t even know what a clitoris is.”

“This dude…” Thomas mutters, sinking into his chair.

Dolley mirrors him, sinking down in her chair and chewing on her bottom lip; Thomas stares at her, “What else?”

“Huh?” Dolley asks.

“You look like you have something else on your mind,” Thomas tells her.

Dolley looks away, “It’s… not really important…”

“Tell me anyways.”

Dolley sighs, “John is… not the best.”

“How so?” Thomas asks, sitting up, “Is he hurting you?”

“No!” Dolley says quickly, “No, he’s not… no.”

“Then what?”

“He’s… cheating on me…”

“What the fuck?” Thomas says, “What the  _ fuck?  _ How do you know? I mean I believe you, but how do you know?”

“I mean, he’s not exactly discreet,” Dolley says, folding in on herself, “please don’t say anything to him.”

“Why the fuck not?” Thomas asks, “That’s so shitty Dolley - why are you putting up with that?”

“Because!” Dolley says, not even sure how to answer, “because - because I feel like it’s my fault. Like if I were a better girlfriend he wouldn’t be doing it.”

“Dolley.” Thomas says seriously, “You’re a great person. And a good girlfriend. But it doesn’t matter how good of a girlfriend you are - if he wants to cheat, he’s going to cheat.”

“Please don’t tell him,” Dolley repeats, “Please don’t tell him - or Martha - ”

“Martha doesn’t know?!” Thomas asks.

“Of course not! She would’ve kicked his ass by now!”

_ “I’m _ going to kick his ass!” Thomas exclaims, “he’s a little shit! How long has he been doing this? How long have you known about it?”

Dolley has to think about it, “I don’t know how long he’s been doing it,” she says, “but I’ve known about it for two years.”

“Two years?!” Thomas puts his face in his hands and then looks back at her, “Dolley, what the fuck?!”

“I don’t know!” she says, suddenly about to cry, “I don’t know what to say to him! I feel like everything is my fault! Please don’t say anything to him!” she breaks off and begins to cry, and Thomas winces.

He waits for her to calm down and then he says, “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Dolley wipes her eyes but doesn’t say anything, so he continues, “I don’t have any tissues in my car. I’m sorry I made you cry. It’s just - that’s so shitty Dolley. And it’s shitty that it makes you feel like it’s your fault, because it’s not. You deserve better than that.”

Dolley shrugs, “I don’t really deserve nice things.” she says quietly.

“Says who?” Thomas asks.

“The whole universe.” Dolley says, “My parents. John. I’m used to the shitty stuff.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Thomas tells her, “you don’t deserve shitty stuff. And you especially don’t deserve to be cheated on.”

Dolley shakes her head, “Please don’t tell John.”

Thomas takes a deep breath, “I won’t tell John.”

“Thank you.”

“But you have to do something about it.” Thomas insists, “You have to tell him you know - or tell him to stop - or break up with him - or  _ something.” _

Dolley sniffs, “Calling your boyfriend out for cheating on you doesn’t really sound like something a good girlfriend should do.”

“Cheating on your girlfriend isn’t something a good boyfriend would ever do.” Thomas points out.

Dolley huffs, “Touché.” she pauses, “please don’t tell Martha either.” another pause, “about anything. John cheating on me. Or me being jealous of you. Or me being fixated on her. Or anything like that.”

Thomas nods, “I won’t.”

“Thank you.” Dolley says, “I’m sorry to dump all of this on you.”

“I’d rather you dump it on me than suffer in silence.” Thomas tells her, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, “I mean - yeah. Thanks.” she sniffs, “are you okay?”

“Other than the fact that we’re out of gas and it’s hot as balls, yeah.” Thomas tells her.

Dolley grins, “I hate that expression.” she says, and Thomas laughs. She clears her throat, “I’m gonna try to sleep.”

“Okay.” Thomas says, “Lay your seat down with the lever, hopefully it won’t be too uncomfortable.”

“Thank you.” Dolley says, for everything.


End file.
